* * *
3 March 2021
1331 hrs. Carol and I arrived at Linda and Bill’s in Port Tampa, Florida, is Wednesday afternoon. Normally, blue ink is reserved for my metaphysical half, my poetic-like stand-alone, heartansoulanmind. I write and transcribe in black ink. Red ink is saved in the memory of my once imaginary angel, Amorella. I don’t presently have an agenda. At seventy-eight, I feel too old to begin something new.
* * *
This notebook blog was created on 15 August 2009. The conclusion is today, 20 April 2018. Amorella, my inner writer, imaginary or not, is, as I see her, my spiritual essence within. I have learned much. Thank you for reading this blog. Sincerely, Richard H. Orndorff Since I still have a few readers, I'll leave the blog up. Eight plus years of my heartansoulanmind for what it's worth. Be pretend angels if you like. You are welcome to read the related new blog at encountersinspirit.blogspot.com.
15 AUGUST 2009
This is Amorella. I am a friend in disguise. Richard’s friend, to be exact. For at least twenty years, he did not see why I was real because of his limited imagination. However, I wrote him three books, once a year, on dead Merlyn’s dreams, and with my permission, he self-published them, for the most part without a second draft, via iUniverse publishers.
As Richard suspected, he recently discovered he could not rearrange his three Merlyn’s Mind books and put the selections online for free reading for his friends. Thus, out of necessity for sharing, this blog has been created.
From time to time, I will challenge Richard to think about what is important in life. The reason for this is because on his Facebook profile, after a great deal of meditative thought, he wrote his present spiritual view is that of a “Transcendental Existentialist.” The word "spiritual" contains an otherworldly perspective in Richard's mind. A more specific "religious" view can be seen by him as clouded because of religious politics. Earlier today, Richard wrote in his personal journal.
“Somehow, this [upcoming new blog business] appears to be taking more courage than I expected it would. I do not wish to embarrass the family or my friends who supported me with the books. I desire to be polite and honest, always first while continually looking for subtle ways to be more honest. Though, I must say, the three books are about as subtle as I can get. I am not [writing this] to focus on anything but the spiritual aspects of being human.”
Richard suddenly realized the focus of this blog should be on the spiritual aspects of being human. The human mind is about as spiritual-like an entity that exists in the basic human condition. The brain has weight and volume but, to Richard, the mind is weightless and immeasurable. The closest physical matter he can think to compare it with are the properties of light and thought.
16 AUGUST 2009
A tree behind Christ's Church, Oxford
Amorella here. I chose this picture because it has a special meaning for orndorff. Notice how the tree limbs grow into one another. The scholarly guide with the hat explains that this tree that sets in the semi-private garden behind Christ’s Church, Oxford inspired two one-time Oxford writers, Charles Lutwidge Dodgson and John Ronald Reuel Tolkien. Richard immediately thought upon seeing the limbs' strange growths – “Quantum Mechanics. Wow.”
It’s true, Amorella, I did. I thought of Lewis Carroll and Alice Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There and here we are. I am touching the bark of this tree. I am also inspired, but not to write. I am inspired to think about the secret wonders of nature and the secret wonders of the mind. Then, at that moment, I realized the wonders of both are one and the same.
After hearing that this particular tree also inspired J.J.R. Tolkien to write of the trees in Middle Earth, I realized how much I also love trees, particularly this tree in the semi-private garden behind Christ’s Church. The scholarly guide had called it “The Jabberwocky Tree,” but I like to call it "The Thinking It Out Tree." >>
As you may have noticed, this afternoon, I added the above photo to yesterday's post, and I have yet to discover how to delete it without deleting Amorella's opening words. I will not delete her words, so for now, please ignore the photo in yesterday's post. One of the problems with having a personality such as Amorella's within my mind is that I have to respect her presence. This is not always an easy thing to do, although I have survived these twenty-some years sharing space-in-mind. She only works through my fingertips on the keyboard as a writer's friend. A few times, I have overstepped her boundary, and I pay for it immediately.
Richard is attempting to say here, though he is at a loss of words to do so, that I, strangely enough, have at times affected the nerves in his right arm from elbow to wrist, which induces a short electrical-like shock. His human imperfections show up in his mind immediately, and he has to let them go as if they are sins, which they are not. This is the way it is. I am in here, stuck as he is, and we both have to pay the piper for it. - Amorella.
Hello, this is Amorella. This is a photo I chose for today as one on how I typically see Richard. He imagines me as a slightly stormy red sunset on his conscious horizon. I get under his skin in a most literal way. His mind is my present existential existence. Like a clever cat, he prods what he can of air, clouds, and light. Rather, he would see me as a form of beauty with a capital B; me as a Platonic-like though imaginary Form.
The photo was taken this spring of his own relatively small backyard woods in a small gully separating another short winding row of nineteen-nineties-styled suburban housing behind him. Richard is a twentieth-century nurtured man who was born during the great second world war. One grandmother worked in a munitions factory during the war, while after the war, another grandmother was a head chef in a well-known restaurant in the state capital. One grandfather was a milkman and worked for the same company for forty years; the other grandfather worked as a house painter and state revenue officer. His mother was an elementary school teacher, and his father a metallurgist with a fondness for hunting and fishing. He fought towards the end of the war in Europe and helped to liberate the Dachau concentration camp. I see all this scattered on the ground between the small trees in this backyard woods.
The small border of rocks was mostly hand-planted by Richard, a separation of a grassy lawn from the woods. People in this part of the county tend to think of themselves as civilized when they have a yard to tend to. The ground separation is mostly dead leaves from leaves of grass. Living leaves of grass cut too close to the ground from my point of view. The trees in the woods rise higher than the photograph shows. They might as well be limitless as far as I can see.
Richard has gained a little light on the woods in these twenty years, but he never expected this. He has no idea, you see, of human potential, and I venture, neither do you.
People look up and see blue sky in sunlight and small starry lights in the moonlight. Stone border walls are all they are. Yet some people talk about others who can’t see the forest for the trees. Others can’t get beyond the grammar. Others still see themselves single sentenced when they appear surrounded by paragraphs. Too many periods and not enough questions. That’s the problem I see with humans such as orndorff. Too many low-walled rocks are separations in mind. Orndorff is no exception with this low walling, and I venture, neither are you.
Amorella is always pressing; this is an example. It is a photograph of a small backyard woods, plain and simple. I’d rather see myself as a small tree than a large plant. I’d rather walk on a path of wet rocks than mud. Each is who sheorhe is. This sense of being is how each person lives. This is how each dies. Green leaves to brown. The ground, the bottom line, is mostly dirt and roots. Nothing new under the sun as far as I can see.
* * *
This is where we begin, Mr. Orndorff. Collectively, I respond to a name I chose a couple of blogs earlier, Ms. Havisham. I represent the much younger you, the ageless you, in most manners of speaking. Richard, you write much better within the framework a public blog because you find it necessary to share your thoughts with others of your species. This last blog, Notes with Ms. Havisham and Grandma, served as a transition of only a few months. You are tired of reworking older novels, but so far, you haven’t picked up on a more worthy focus, which is your personal discovery of experiencing G-D solely within your sense of human intellect, compassion, and empathy. Here is a sample of where and when I began as consciousness within your own. – Ms. Havisham
** **
[Monday, August 19, 2019, from my Old Man on a Study blog]
191. Notes - This is my first day of school.
191. 18/19 August 2019
Mid-evening. You have spent some time reading the Scapple Manual and are finding it too difficult to use simply. Drop it. - Amorella
2220 hours. Quite embarrassing. Old dog and new tricks syndrome.
You tried several more apps only to find similar problems. Perhaps we could use inventive outlining? - Amorella
19 August 2019
You awoke a little before five with the word "[sentence]diagramming" in your head the returned to sleep. You awoke again a little before seven with the words "diagramming Soul" before having breakfast and reading the paper with "Morning Joe" in the background. - Amorella
0756 hours. Sentence diagramming is a bit like "Mind Mapping," plus it digs into the heart of language and thought communication. Diagramming Soul is, in my mind, allowing me to better understand 'Soul Thought,' which I assume is on a deeper level than human thought. I might learn subtle differences from it to use in English for better translating on my part. However, I recognize this is probably not the case since Amorella is already translating from Soul to English. I just like learning stuff, even if it is entirely experimental thinking/writing on my part.
Look for a sentence diagramming app. - Amorella
Mr. Orndorff, you like to 'shovel' long before finding a shovel to dig with. - mh
0814 hours. Ms. Havisham, you sound like one of the smartest persons who was ever in my classroom. The only reaction I would have had is to stand up front and laugh at myself out loud and throw my hands in the air with knowing humor and "Touché" in acknowledgment.
Post. - Amorella
Update the posts, orndorff. You are ready. - Amorella
0824 hours. (with a sheepish smile) You are right. I am, thanks to Ms. Havisham's 'dig.'
You don't seem to be having any luck with the mind mapping and diagramming. Since I'm the one you want to learn to communicate better with, then perhaps I should be the one you should be talking to. I don't need mind mapping or diagramming, thank you very much. I can fend for myself when it comes to communication with 'my' present heartanmind. - mh
You still need a translator, Ms. Havisham. - Amorella
Yes, of course, Amorella. Sorry. - mh
1040 hours. It's Amorella's classroom. Being polite and respectful are her rules.
Being mindful is a good addition, orndorff. - Amorella
1044 hours. Yes, Ma'am, thank you.
You have errands to run. Later. - Amorella
You are waiting for Carol outside Hallmark on Polaris, and you are getting comfortable with the classroom setting since you worked in one for thirty-seven years and more. - Amorella
1122 hours. I am ever thankful for this, Amorella.
I know how thankful you are, young man -- it is in the wordless category, so superlatives are really unnecessary. - Amorella
1155 hours. My heart is suddenly filled with the concept that for me, my classroom settings were filled with exceptional students, my students (in those times). They have all moved on, as have all of us, but I treasure those times -- I never knew which I loved more, my subject area or my students --I just now realize I love both the same. You can't have one without the other.
Wipe those warm tears, Mr. Orndorff. We all have more moving on to do. – Ms. Havisham
1203 hours. I am alone in the house presently; Carol is out working in the yard. I still feel embarrassed for shedding tears.
No one is alone, orndorff, no matter what they think or feel. Let's take a break. - Amorella
Afternoon. You are in the shade facing south at Shale Hollow Park, looking at a shale hill surrounded and covered with taller trees with various sized girth. You each had a Kroger's apple spiced cookie for a snack and water with ice. Carol is on Chapter Sixty-One of The House of Secrets. Here's where we were but edited.
** **
`You are catching onto the 'rabbit hole.' The process of reading is deconstructed to series of seemingly unordered conditions. These unordered conditionals (Hot, Wet, Cold and Dry) are the roots, as they were, of each of the four Qualities: Fire, Air, Water, and Earth. - Amorella
I assume for clarification that there is an ultimate Hot and an ultimate Dry. Suppose we have a pipe that has the water and air bubbles mixed. The water condition may be warm, neither too hot nor too cold for human spiritual comfort. If it were too hot, the water might boil the air out. If it were too cold, the water would be frozen with air bubbles contained within the spiritual-like ice.
This concept can work here. - Amorella
[From Note 190]
** **
There is no pipe. This is the Medium in the human-oriented Spirit World. The Medium contains the spiritual Qualities: Fire, Air, Water, and Earth; and their separate Conditionals: Hot, Wet, Cold, and Dry. The spiritual weather-like conditions are seemingly arbitrary and at times seemingly impassioned, but when the winds whisper quietly, the spirits can steer about. Those human or human-like held souls hear an inner spirit or two from time to time through me, a soul. These sounds picked up by such spirits are accidental and seemingly arbitrary, whisperings both with and without reasoning, as if from the Inner Churnings themselves. Humans would call this seemingly Whole Kernel Chaos, but Souls know better. Whisperings can be full of a chattering of letter-like sounds -- and once in a while -- a word or two is picked up from a heartanmind protected within the metaphysical shell of a soul such as I. The spiritual human heartanmind inevitably begins to wonder. -mh
Enough for now. Any questions, orndorff? - Amorella
1445 hours. Ms. Havisham is writing above on an 8th Grade reading level according to Flesch-Kincaid and with a Flesch reading ease level of 59.5. Ms. Havisham, do you know any more about the Churnings and other spiritual environs within the Churnings?
Not at this time, Mr. Orndorff. This is a story for you, not for me. I am the storyteller here. - mh
1458 hours. Again, a sly reference to the "Rabbit Hole."
See this as you wish it were, orndorff. Later. Post when applicable. - Amorella
As for Fate and Free Will, let the two play themselves out. You personally don't really want to know. If Fate wins out, then what then of the fiction, Free Will? If Free Will wins out, then what then of the fiction, Fate? I remember once, I said to you, "Careful what you wish for?" Now, how does that play into the arms of Fate? And how does that also play into the hands of Free Will? - Amorella
1802 hours. For now, I'll stick with irony and humor being the Forces behind the Curtain over either Fate or Free Will.
Good choice on using the lower case. Sometimes you are wiser than your young years, other times not so much as a Fool. - Amorella
1812 hours. I think I'm done for the day, at least for a few hours. This project is exciting. Today was just like a good day at school from my perspective. I like it very much so far.
Good. Post. - Amorella
Bye for now, Mr. Orndorff. Learning is always fun and/or rewarding from my perspective too. mh
1820 hours. I would like to learn more about your perspective also, Ms. Havisham. I've 'talked' with angels and human-like aliens of microscopic dimensions in size but not in the supposed intellect in my fictional stories. You are easier to talk to because you know me better, and you comfort and protect me deep down; or rather, I know that you have protected me, and I feel you are protective of me now. You are an interesting spiritual Being, and strangely so; you are not human, yet, in here, in this blog, I am not human without you. (1832)
2141 hours. Today begins a new chapter because I feel I attended my first day in a new classroom. This classroom, which is open to the public, is within. This classroom is in all of us because we are human beings with spiritual heartsansoulsanminds. Beyond chemistry, biology, and physics, we have spiritual heartsansoulsanminds -- our individual human spirits. I share mine through my heartansoulanmind and my body, brain, imagination, and especially my fingertips. This is not typical experimental writing for me. I am a student of the question: what it is to be a human being. - rho
I, the Amorella, concur. I am his teacher, and he is my student.
Posted by Richard H. Orndorff at 5:41 AM
* * *
* * *
Monday, August 12, 2019
186. Notes - Dear Richard, / spiritual analogy
186. 12 August 2019
Change of pace today. You have to be at Kim and Paul's by ten o'clock to pick up Owen and Brennan and take them to Orange Township Park for a run and play about. Lunch out. And, over to your house for most of the afternoon as Kim has many teleconferences today. - Amorella
0839 hours. I need to focus on Ms. Havisham today. She needs to have her say on how things are from her perspective. I spend all my time pondering and experiences. What does she like to do? What would she do if she were an actual person? What would she do if she were Amorella-like or even an Angel if such exist in the spirit world? I think it is unfair that she has to put up with me when she could be free of that. (0843)
Dear Richard,
You are attempting to humanize me when I do not have such human desires to be free. What a strange thing for you to think, for me to be a person or Amorella-like or even Angelic. Thank you for your thoughts, but no, I am what I am, a soul who is full, not empty. I am a spiritual being built to serve a grand purpose, protect and comfort a human or human-like spiritual being who is also living in a physical universe.
Love,
Ms. Havisham
Post, orndorff. - Amorella
0853 hours. How can you live without wanted to be free?
We are not living, Dear Richard. You are. – Amorella
Selected and edited from the “Old Man on a Study” blog.
** **
